btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
