You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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