when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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