I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
