It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize