I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
