Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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