I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
