she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
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SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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