i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
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I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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