I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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