If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
