Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
