I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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