Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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