So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
