Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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