i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
