I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize