meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
