I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
