You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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