Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
