Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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