Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
