Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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