I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize