I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
