i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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