You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
