you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize