I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
