He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can you bring me the toilet please
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
