In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
