SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
