apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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