Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
do nipples grow back?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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