Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
