I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
