I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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