Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
