I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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