New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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