You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
