8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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