I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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