doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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