I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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