Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
