Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
