I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
