I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
