i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
