Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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