That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
