Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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